this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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