drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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