im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize