You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
