i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
