I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize