Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
