Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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