How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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