Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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