who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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