Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
