Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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