I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
