I want to have your abortion
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
