My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
