I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
