im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
