I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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