If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
there is puke in my bra ... again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
