shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize