I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
