so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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