Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We got so high we made milksteak
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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