i just wanna soil my oats bro
now i know why i became what i already was.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
