saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
