Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
