Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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