Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
