Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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