I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
