Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
