The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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