quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
