I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
