last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
