omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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