is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
