I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
