do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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