How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
