I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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