Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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