if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
