First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
