What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
