Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
