gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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