I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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