eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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