P.S. I can't hear my feet
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my poor anus
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
