Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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