I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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