If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
