Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
