Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
