I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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