So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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