I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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