Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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