I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
