She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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