Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
