I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
