The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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