Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
