No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
