Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
time to smoke my breakfast
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
