i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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