Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We got so high we made milksteak
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
