He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
