I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
