Im at strip club and am horny
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
